If you are reading this post, then maybe you have finished reading my new posts and are in a mood to check out the old ones. And that landed you here. This post is being written when I just want to write freely, no holds barred. Stop reading here, you won't like the rest.
Its a difficult post to write partly because I have nothing to say and partly because I of all people have better things to write than this stupid post. The reason why I am writing this is because I have no one to talk to right now.
I don't understand why each and every thing I write, becomes so personal for me. Why every single line of every single stupid poem that I have written means so much to me. Why can't I just write in flow like other people. Why do I stop and check that every line in every para is coming out fine?
I hate blogging. I would like to quote a fellow b grade blogger on this: 'Every man and his dog have a blog'. Its funny when I turn to read them. Most of the people have pretty much nothing to say. Majority of them are reactions over recent events, what happened at your friend's party this weekend, stupid poems about green grass and crimson sky and blue river only filled with blank heavy-sounding words. I tried to find content in many of them. Hardly found any.
It is very sad all our films and books are being devoid of stories. You watch the first 10 minutes of a film and you pretty much know whats going to happen next. You have seen it all.
Personally, I'm moving through a tough phase in my life. My movie stopped 5 days into shooting and worse I couldn't do anything about it. Thankfully, I have something to write. Otherwise, it would have been so disappointing. There is this an innate flaw in me. I can't say 'No' to anybody. I can't go in and say some unpleasant stuff to people.A lot of my friends tell me to read their blogs or anything that they have written. Majority of times I feel that this thing is shit. But, I don't have the balls to take the smile away from their faces by saying anything bad. I point out a few minor flaws and make him feel as if I'm actually reading this seriously. And in the end I say 'Achha hai, yaar'. When I know its worthless. Shit, I hate myself for doing that. There is a lot of work that I have loved. And never stop to praise the people who wrote that. Why can't I do the vice versa, when I hate something.
I am Zelig, that is what I am. I often change my opinions just to fit in a group, something I have tried to work upon off late. Why can't I tell people to fuck off. Its a natural disability. I have been dominated by people who know nothing about what they are talking about and allowed myself to listen to them. Yes, I'm a good listener. That is how I write.
Coming back to my point, writing in this place is so much underrated. Its as if everyone in this campus was born with a pen in his hand. I have seen the quality of plays that they do, the kind of movies they watch, and the kind of poems they write. Its trash. I can write better plays than the 'Gold winning plays' of this place on any given sunday. People here have no respect for art or artists.
Hierarchy has its own disadvantages. You allow ignorant fools to teach you about dramatics and they are the ones who judge your scripts and ideas. 'Arey yeh judges ko pasand nahi aayega' 'Isme Gold nahi lagega'. Abey tujhe kya pata hai? Jitni teri umar hai,usse zyada plays kiye honge maine yahan aane se pahle. Its this place, I tell you. Once you enter,you forget the real world. Its like Virtual Reality. You can do anything here (given the right contacts). Anyone who shouts well, is a good actor. 'Audience ki taraf dekh ke bolna hai' 'Yahan choreo daal dete hain, warna janta frusst ho jayegi'. Nobody has anything to say out of a play.
One of my 'friends' was talking to another guy holding my 109 page script in his hand. He said 'Iski (me) creativity mein upper limit hai. Hamari tarah nahi hai infinite'. He said it after I read a 20 line post from his blog and just said 'Thik hai', while the other comments were 'Awesome.Brilliant.Huuhhhaaaa'. Maybe everyone thinks of himself as a creative genius. Maybe. Its so easy to criticise someone. Its like a bed someone made. You jump on it saying, 'Dekha. Dekha. Hil raha hai. Abhi tootega. ' What I can just say to those people is trying making a bed. First do that, and then write. They will never understand this. Its people like those who go on throughout their lives about how much they love to be an actor, that acting is their life, they can't live without it. And you spot them a couple of years later, working in a bank.
Friend, only if you could realise, somewhere down the line you need to get out of that comfort zone of yours and try to adapt your work forthe real world, not the imaginary world you have in head. People who struggle in the streets of Mumbai are confused about their skills, but at least they are putting in some effort.
Class. Another word I hate. What is Class? Woh 'class' gaane sunta hai. Abey, yeh sirf us class ke liye hai. Often this class of pople form their opinions about class from the class of their friends. And start believing that there are similar people all over who form their class. And that their work is accessible to those people. Anything that is not universally accepted, is not class. Trust me on this. John Lennon is class. Quentin Tarantino is class. French perfume critics and Indian spiritual Gurus are not class.
It would have been so easy if I could say 'Fuck off' to the people I hate. Would have saved the time I spent to write this post.
